How I Truly Healed When Nothing Seemed to Work and Made My 10-Year Dream Come True

Life As I Was Living It

The life I used to have for the last 14 years was not truly mine. For the last 14 years, I felt an emptiness inside ever since I started studying something I did not love in a city that never fully felt like home, even though I like it.

I really wanted to change my life, but didn’t know how. I had these dreams of mine, so intense, so crystal clear, I was living two lives - one in my head and another in the current reality. And they were so different. At least I had an idea of what my life should look like, and this kept me going even when I felt entirely disconnected from my true authenticity.

But How Do We Get Where We Want To Be In Life?

What held me back were my own inner emotional experiences – the fear of loneliness, abandonment, being hurt, and the fear of emotional growth. Physically, we are all adults, but if things aren’t working out in one or more areas of our lives, it’s likely that there are psychological aspects within us still trapped in the past that prevent us from taking the steps to the change, to the dream life, the one that feels like home. These are traumatized fragments of our mind, and they can be conscious but also subconscious; we may not have access to them because, psychologically, people have a blind spot in their psyche. They usually sabotage our happiness by not doing what we need to or by doing the opposite and attracting more negativity in our lives. And these inner parts require emotional and behavioral work. 

How do we know if we have self-sabotaging inner parts? The question is easy - we lack something or more things in our lives, and no matter what we do or how hard we try, it seems impossible to be where we want to be.

I am the real example of the above statement - I was doing therapy and all kinds of energetic work for about seven years, nonstop. Yes, there were some improvements, big improvements, but the missing part of the puzzle was still there - I was not able to make a step toward my dream, I was scared of close connections, I missed close connections, and I was completely unfulfilled. All this was tied to the fact that I have dealt with so many of my traumas and patterns, but not the main one, which was buried deep into my subconscious reality.

After the last breakdown, I asked myself what I was missing. And I found the answer - I was running away from my demons by choosing therapists that I know because I was not able to trust anyone else. I even thought there were no therapists who could truly help me or understand my problems. I felt like I was the most developed being, which was just a story my mind used to tell me - my inner sabotager. So I said to myself - this time I will choose someone whom I may not know, but I see as a reliable person, I will not choose him because it is easier and comforting, but because I really want to improve my life. And I found a therapist - one that used to rent the studio I was doing energetic healing work for the last 3 years, and one that I thought was not "good enough" without knowing him - also another story that my mind was convincing me to believe. And the funny thing is that I read an article about this therapist a while ago and I thought - I love her, I want someone like her to be by my side. So what do you think - maybe the Universe is always trying to help us and there is always at least one person who has the key to our solutions - it is us that have the capacity to finally open and receive the help.

The therapy I started doing was recommended to me by the above psychologist. She recommended me another therapist who became my main one two years ago. The method we used was like medicine that healed my wounds. But it was far from a cognitive behavioral therapy—I used the more challenging kind that digs into the wounds, revisits memories and brings everything to the surface so it can be finally healed. In other words, it works with the subconscious, and in my case, it was the method EMDR. It helped me to meet my inner darkness and heal the loneliness I was feeling all the time.

How Has this Changed Me?

Little by little. Step by step. Session after session. Some of them were hard, but they were always worthy, always leaving me better than the previous time, even if there was some emotional turmoil right after the session. It helped me in two ways - the first one was healing the wounds and inner parts of myself that had experienced trauma and were suffering. It made me stronger and able to start taking small steps in the direction of my dreams. The second way was that I was no longer feeling the darkness of my inner emotional world. First, all of that was gone because, in a way, my subconscious thinking had switched - the bad stories I was telling myself were no longer true, and they were no longer triggering negative emotions and thoughts. And second, my wounds were relieved and healed, so they were no longer bothering me - my inner world had become lighter, sunnier, and happier.

Now, I am in a different stage of my life. Now, I feel filled with lighter energy, whole, and free of loneliness. I need connection, yes, but the need for connection is a completely different thing than loneliness, which is a wound. My inner world has become stronger and clearer. The most important thing is that the Universe gave me the chance to make my biggest dream come true as a gift to my true desire to give up on being stuck and finally heal for real.

And you – what do you dream about? Answer that question for yourself, and know that it is your path to making those dreams a reality. It is your path, one that not only heals you as you navigate the inner obstacles along the way but also brings you a sense of completeness, satisfaction, and joy in life. Every sorrow we hold onto, whether as a conscious or subconscious negative emotion, manifests in our daily lives. Sometimes, it is a feeling we want to escape from, other times, it is the lack of beautiful experiences that carry that same feeling.

Believe me, I have been there. I mourned the loss of my own self and felt lost in the world. I was lost. Until now. Help yourself. Reach out to me or find a good therapist. Watch how life begins to unfold in the right direction. Do not give up. You were born to be a winner if that is what you choose.

I wish I had done this four years ago or even earlier, but as the saying goes – everything has its time. The important thing is to take steps, little by little, because they always make a difference in the end. If this article is part of your steps or even your final one, I will be so happy to have reached you.

Belong to yourself first ❤️

Love,

Neda